On the most recent episode of “my life is a circus starring Alexandra Radford…”
This really happened.
Today, I was that girl.
Picture this:
I haven’t taken a week off of work in the last 8 months.
After transitioning my entire world into a new lifestyle over the last year, I figured it was time.
(Got divorced, became a single mom, quit my job, sold my house, moved to a new house, started a business, started dating….Holy change up!)
My “week off” turned into two days off.
And while I can plan ahead and “check out” of the office, I can’t “check out” of motherhood.
So, on my day off I still packed lunches, did laundry, cleaned pee up off the floor and rushed out the door in the morning.
Eventually though….both kids were at school. I was finally FREE!
My car took me to Mimi’s café where I had the option of coffee or mimosas for breakfast.
On this day, I chose the former.
You would expect the champagne breakfast for 1 to cause the mini meltdown that followed but – nope! - there was no alcohol needed!
When the booth I wanted to sit in wasn’t available, that was it.
Over the edge. The end of my rope. I lost it.
There I am: Crying at a REGULAR, NON U-shaped booth over coffee and my laptop getting stares from the elders and retirees with nothing else to do on a Thursday at 11am at Mimi’s.
The people pleaser inside me felt like I owed them an explanation.
You see..…the thing is..…I’m a single mom and a business owner and I’m divorced so I’m also dating....and my life is INSANE but it’s also exactly what I asked for and every now and then I just need a DAY to sit, process and maybe cry over the 100,000 interactions, decisions, needs, causes, effects on my plate every day and how incapable and unqualified I am for this life.
Out of breath and out of coffee…….I’m depleted.
The text messages
The phone calls
The emails
The social media
The clients
The employees
The friends
The boyfriend
The kids
The family
The laundry
The dishes
The homework
The extra work
The extra time
The lack of time
Holy Motherload.
Shout out to all the moms.
The working moms.
The single moms.
The stay at home moms.
Soon to be moms.
The married but basically single moms.
And how about just women in general.
If you have a vagina, shout out to you!
It’s hard being a girl!
Putting everything and everyone before ourselves…
Who knows why we do it.
If it’s a stereotypical norm.
If it’s the media.
If it’s the way we were raised.
If it’s just the way we’re built.
Hell, maybe it’s what we’re born to do.
But my gah, we’ve got to put ourselves on the to do list too!
We can’t solve all the world’s problems if we’re depleted.
& Lord knows all it takes to get our tanks filled again is JUST AN HOUR ALONE WITH OUR COFFEE!
And then, we’re back to making the world a better place!
So in today’s quest for self-care - I put my phone on airplane mode.
Little known fact: AIRPLANE MODE SHUTS YOUR MUSIC OFF.
It’s fine, I’m fine, we’re fine.
Dear iphone: I may need silence from other humans but I still need my tunes!
So, as I whine down my pity party….
& my coffee levels stabilize…
I take a deep breath….
And I start to feel like I can do this again.
Not because I’m qualified. But because I’m called.
God only knows why but here we are!
It turns out....
