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Unhushed

Updated: Oct 26, 2020

I almost didn’t share this success because I didn’t want to seem like I was bragging.

But when I thought about how the blessing isn’t by my power, but God’s…I went for it.

So, this is my blog and I’ll brag if I want to!


The month of March was my first full month of 100% self employed income from Edge.


March has come and gone. We made it!


For those of yall who don’t know me well…I was SO STRESSED, NERVOUS, FEARFUL, SCARED SHITLESS about this major life change to sell my house, move to Suwanee, quit my job and be a full time business owner.


Like, really.


We are a start up. We’ve grown a lot. There's plenty more ahead.


We have monthly minimums, break even points, goals, etc. and any of you who are self-employed or have experienced 100% commission positions know how up-and-down that swing can go.


Some deals fall off. Others get pushed to the following month. It’s been an adjustment from my steady salary history.


But, I have to boast!

Not in myself, duh.

But, you guessed it: in God!

For his provision in month 1.


You know…

When you walk by faith…you’re never really 100% sure you’re doing the right thing.

(At least I'm not.)

But it’s littleBIG confirmations like this that remind me…that I AM walking the right way.


And make me so thankful that I have a business partner I can be open with, stressed with, cry with, laugh with…pray with…celebrate his goodness with.


Business ownership seriously deserves it’s own reality shit SHOW.


Another reason I didn’t want to share this win is because I didn’t want to offend/annoy anyone with my "faith/Jesus talk."


I’ve noticed so many beautiful souls lately that have been so burned by Christians.

I hate that label, by the way: "Christian."

Sadly, I feel like “Christian” has this hypocritical, religious tag to it these days that I don’t like.

I just love Jesus.


But because of so many people's hurt from Christians and churches in their lives, I stay silent to be sensitive to their feelings.

I don’t want to offend. Come off braggy. Self righteous. Hypocritical.

Because a lot of you could call me WAY OUT for my imperfect behavior.


& I never want to be pushy when it comes to my faith.

And I never want anyone to feel like they're not accepted as they are.

Because honestly, a lot of "non Christians" in my life have great character.

They're logical. Thoughtful. Trustworthy. Patient. Sensitive. Empathetic. Positive.


I've had to wrestle with God quite a bit about that one.


But lately – I have felt judged.


Like I can't share what's in my heart without fear of being viewed as as self righteous, hypocritical "Christian."

& in that, I’ve hushed myself.

My praise has been hushed.

I’m sure that’s exactly what the enemy wants.

ie: Satan.

That’s who I’m referring to.

I’m sure he would LOVE for me to hush.

But not today, guys!!

TODAY....

I want to give ALL the credit + ALL the glory + ALL the praise + ALL the thanks for every single thing in my life - But specifically - in my business, and in this season of investment/growth to God, the Father.


Sometimes people congratulate me or ask me questions about my career story………And I’m so proud of it, of course...

But the truth is….it was all God.

All I did was praise.  All I did was worship. 

All I did was faith step.

(^^ Defender by Rita)

Now….full disclaimer….

I’m not perfect.

Sooooo not.

Shocking, I know!

I took a scorpion shot last month.

That’s right.

I swallowed a dead scorpion inside of a shot glass of tequila.

(You can leave your comments about what a BAD MAMAJAMA I am here.) 

Point is:

I don’t do everything I know God wants me to do. I’m totally weak in my own strength. 

At my best, I’m just totally lost without him. Prideful. Selfish. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc.

#ButGod

Thank God for saving me from myself.

Gah, I'm a hot mess WITH him - can you imagine me without him?!?!?!!?!?

Holy smokes, you're welcome.

Back to God and bragging on him:

He does what his word says.

He provides. To the penny. He makes a way for me. Where there is no way.

Sometimes people compliment me on the fact that I went to college and got my degree while I had a kid at 18.


One time, I told my mom: “The classes must have been easier when I went there.” (to UGA)

And she was like, “No, Alex. It was easy for you because you’re smart.”


But the TRUTH is…God carried me.

I remember literally parking my car a mile from my classes and having to walk to my class building thinking: “I really don't wanna be here right now. But, just keep walking to your building. One foot in front of the other.”


I doubt God sometimes, for sure.

I fear a lot. I make mistakes a lot.

I don’t trust easily. And who freakin does????  


But there’s something called sacrificial praise.


Sacrificial praise is saying: I don’t feel it. I don’t see it. I don’t know if I trust you.

But I’ll praise you anyways. 

I’ll say thank you anyways.

I’ll throw this prayer up anyways.

I’ll show up anyways.

I’ll stay the course anyways.


And then guess what:

One day….you realize that you actually do believe.

You do trust. You have seen him move in your life.

Funny how you start to see his footsteps when you start talking to him.

So, here’s to God. To Jesus. The holy spirit who guides us.

My provider in Month 1 of being self employed.

And my provider in the next.

My answer to every. Single. Thing. 


If God’s not your cup of tea, I love you anyways!

But this is my blog and I can say whatever I want.

And Edge is my business, and we’ll say whatever we want there too!


So, PRAISE God!

Thank you for supplying for our every need.

Over and over and over again. 

In my business, specifically, today.

I don’t know who this message is for. But you know who you are.

Praise him loudly and unashamedly!!!

Speak up! Speak out!

The world needs YOUR voice!

No one else can have your voice, your sphere, your specific uniqueness to add to the planet.

God’s bigger than any fear or doubt or client or dollar or circumstance.

Choose him.

And then go talk about it!! #testify


I had this epiphany in a business planning meeting with my partner….


We had this sheet of financials, goals, projections and how we would reach those goals.

It was detailed AF.

And I had this moment where I thought: “This is it. This is where the magic happens. This is where God shows up and does what only he can do. It’s in taking the time to fill out this form. It’s in crunching the numbers. In planning. In showing up. God honors the effort. The care.”


When you *STAY THE COURSE.*


So.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, God!

My boast is in you alone for providing for my every need.

And causing me to go after the things you have for me.

That word hit me hard a few months ago: PROVISION.

And here you are just showin up and showin out!!


Thank you for showing me your will – I don’t have to chase it. You reveal it and push me along.

Thank you for providing for that vision – I don’t have to worry – You show up day in and day out.

You are SO, SO GOOD.


This might be one of my most favorite bible verses ever by John – The self proclaimed favorite of Jesus...

I love John.

He reminds me of my business partner.

Such a firecracker.

You don’t mess with John.

“If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, I did it for you. Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do.”
2 Corinthians 5:13
Praise is where the magic happens.

One of my favorite PRAISE songs:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hwM8vgulzdI